Just not up for it

Sorry I have been a little m.i.a but the above picture kind of reflects how I have been feeling lately, emotionally.

On Sunday the husband and I had a bit of an argument slash discussion about ttc baby #2. We have had a pretty good cycle this month, but we have been at this for so long for the second time and even though we haven't gotten a negative yet I don't feel like this is it for us either.

So Sunday I had just had enough I just started crying and becoming emotionally upset, and no there was no way it could be to pregnancy to soon.

Anyway, I basically blurted out "I think I'm done." I'm pretty sure it put my husband in a huge state of shock but I just had this overwhelming feeling like God has blessed us with such a fantastic child. C is so smart, beautiful, loving, energetic and completely the apple of our eye why not just enjoy the happiness and blessing God gave us? My husband basically said " I know you want more children, I know I want more children, so it will happen when it happens."

I couldn't believe he just said that to me, knowing how I feel about that comment and ttc, it just makes me angry.

I'm sure he might have been angry, actually I know he was angry because he got up and left the room. My darling husband and I don't fight very often, we more bicker about silly things like taking out the trash and reminding him to brush his teeth type of bickering, so I of course burst into a mess of tears and started to really start thinking about what just came out of my mouth.

I think I might have decided that this will be a better decision for me. That doesn't mean it's the best decision for my husband or our only daughter. One of my biggest fears was not being able to give C someone to lean on after we are gone,  permanent best friend. I don't know, even typing that out seems stupid.

I love those two more than myself and everything on earth but what will help me be happy so that I can be a supportive wife and a great mother.

I need to do a lot more thinking about this and figure out what needs to happen and when I need to draw the line to stop ttc and be happy with the life I have. Which is a great life.

So I have a lot of thinking to do and a lot more discussing with my husband.

However this girl always makes me smile and look forward to another day.

How can she not look at the darling girl.

She is such a big girl and I love everything about her.

Also I saw this on a blog I love to check in on and for the life of me can't remember who's it was so sorry for no source, but I'm thinking I might try to recreate these festive Christmas balls, that have sheets of Christmas stories and holiday songs.

I'm thinking they will look pretty awesome hanging from my mantel.

Such a cute idea.