How good was your day?

Mine was fantastic!

And for right now that is all I have to say.

Wont be posting until after Christmas so hoping all you have wonderful holiday with friends and family.

L-

Tory

It's about darn time...

Well finally on cd 21 I got my positive ovulation test after testing for some 11 days now!

Lucky for us Nate was home so when the smiley face popped up I was really excited to show him what a positive result looks like.

The look on his face was priceless for several reasons; first, he had no idea what "kind" of test it was he was staring at (opk, hpt) I think it's all starting to run together now.

He just stared confused at it and said " Ummm is this good? What is this for?"

The second reason was after I told him which test it was he got excited since this means some much needed time spent in our bedroom.

I have a feeling that even though this can be a trying process sometimes, that he will miss the days that I shove a pee stick that has a smiley face on it in his face, meaning lets go get it on dear.

This cycle has been excruciatingly long but I'm glad my body is doing everything correctly, even if it's not on a more quick timeline.

Here is hoping that December is our month, it's the month we conceived and found out we were pregnant with Cecelia exactly 3 years ago, no pressure right? If it doesn't work out I think an October due date would be just fine, hell at this point any due date would be fantastic.

The only thing that could be a downfall is if it doesn't work out I should be expecting AF on Christmas but on the other hand if it does work out we will be celebrating a growing baby.

Like I said no pressure...

Switching it up a bit...

YUMMY!

So since we decided that we were going to continue on this track we did our research and checked out what we could do to "up" our chances a bit.

So we both started taking Pomegranate supplements and I am also taking green tea extract since I can't stand the taste of actual green tea.

Nathan's been great he takes his little pills every morning without so much as a grumble and encourages me to do the same.

Now we both know this may have absolutely no baring on getting pregnant or not but hell it's worth a shot.

What's Your Thing?

I might be the only one in this boat, but does anyone else have something that they just need to have around them when they are feeling down or conflicted?

When I was pregnant with C I came across this shop in Pella that sold these charming initial charms. Well since I didn't know for sure that we were naming her Cecelia I held off on buying one.

Until the following year when we were back up there, I bought the C and the Baby footprint.

I wore it basically everyday after I bought them, up until about her 1st birthday.

Along with it I would always wear my cross necklace, my Mom got for me one Christmas from Tiffany & CO. It was beautiful and it also looked more like a T then a cross but I loved it.

Mr. Stanley would always call this necklace my "dog tag" necklace since I was sporting for my daughter's sake.

Well after her 1st birthday I found myself not "needing" to wear them much, almost like I felt pretty content with how life was going and I didn't need that reminder that I was Cece's mom or that I needed to show my faith around my neck.

Up until about March of this year.

In April we had what is categorized as a chemical pregnancy. It means that we conceived but do to some problem the baby never implanted.

Usually chemical pregnancies are so soon in a woman's cycle they haven't even taken a test to see if they are pregnant or not.

Well since we were trying I was testing days before I should.

That month I found myself wearing my "mama dog tags" again.

Ever since then I catch myself searching for them when I'm feeling low or out of sorts.

I know it sounds weird that I want some necklaces to make me feel better, but they give me a little peace.

The dream charm was added as a Christmas gift from my Mom last year.

And the bird charm was added to the cross, after our chemical pregnancy, on the flip side of it has the word brave.

I love that little charm, because it's exactly what all woman have to be to enter into this crazy and very emotional ride called motherhood. Whether you are trying to become a mom, are a mom, or have been for years and years. You must be brave to face the daily challenges of what this journey brings to you and your life.

There is no guarantee that you will have tomorrow with you children, husband, or significant other. You will carry the fear of losing your child while pregnant, but the fact is you can lose them when they're a baby, teenager, or grown adult.

I always pray that I will go before both Nathan and my children, because even though I may sport my "brave" necklace, I know I don't have that kind of bravery to make it through something that tragic.

For those people out there that have, I admire your ability to be that strong.

Even though our ttc journey with C and with trying for a second child has never been easy or what we expected it has made us stronger for the hoops we have had to hurdle.

So if grabbing a necklace gives me some peace or comfort during this whole process, then the necklace will be worn.

Hopefully one day there will be more charms with different initials dangling from the chain. But until now C is holding every one's place and keeping my heart full of joy.

What's your thing?

On a much brighter note

So I as I mentioned in a previous post that I was really starting to get down about this whole ttc, again thing.

I know that it took us awhile with C, so it wasn't something out of the ordinary for us the second go around.

However, for some reason I feel like it's been taking a toll on me more so than when trying for C.

When mentioning this to my husband it was a bit of a disagreement but last night we got a chance to talk about how we were both feeling about this and the pressure it was putting on me.

He knows he doesn't fully understand how I feel and I don't blame him for that.

It was really good to talk about things, we didn't fully come to a decision about what we will end up doing, but I'm still leaning towards the idea of taking a break, maybe not a permanent break but at least a few cycles.

So today I'm feeling a lot better.

So instead of the rain and the clouds, I'm feeling a little bit more like this, an it's a much needed improvement.

Also look at how cute C is with her bunny hat and mittens.

We had a great weekend and got a lot of family time in.

We also got around to getting our Christmas decorations up so that immediately puts me into a festive mood and C is enthralled with all the little holiday trinkets and her stocking that she recognizes her name on.

So with Thanksgiving only a week and 3 days away, I'm looking forward to that and black Friday shopping with some friends.

So once this cycle ends we will be taking a break for the holidays for sure and just enjoy spending time with our family and friends.

Hope everyone has a fantastic start to the week.

Just not up for it

Sorry I have been a little m.i.a but the above picture kind of reflects how I have been feeling lately, emotionally.

On Sunday the husband and I had a bit of an argument slash discussion about ttc baby #2. We have had a pretty good cycle this month, but we have been at this for so long for the second time and even though we haven't gotten a negative yet I don't feel like this is it for us either.

So Sunday I had just had enough I just started crying and becoming emotionally upset, and no there was no way it could be to pregnancy to soon.

Anyway, I basically blurted out "I think I'm done." I'm pretty sure it put my husband in a huge state of shock but I just had this overwhelming feeling like God has blessed us with such a fantastic child. C is so smart, beautiful, loving, energetic and completely the apple of our eye why not just enjoy the happiness and blessing God gave us? My husband basically said " I know you want more children, I know I want more children, so it will happen when it happens."

I couldn't believe he just said that to me, knowing how I feel about that comment and ttc, it just makes me angry.

I'm sure he might have been angry, actually I know he was angry because he got up and left the room. My darling husband and I don't fight very often, we more bicker about silly things like taking out the trash and reminding him to brush his teeth type of bickering, so I of course burst into a mess of tears and started to really start thinking about what just came out of my mouth.

I think I might have decided that this will be a better decision for me. That doesn't mean it's the best decision for my husband or our only daughter. One of my biggest fears was not being able to give C someone to lean on after we are gone,  permanent best friend. I don't know, even typing that out seems stupid.

I love those two more than myself and everything on earth but what will help me be happy so that I can be a supportive wife and a great mother.

I need to do a lot more thinking about this and figure out what needs to happen and when I need to draw the line to stop ttc and be happy with the life I have. Which is a great life.

So I have a lot of thinking to do and a lot more discussing with my husband.

However this girl always makes me smile and look forward to another day.

How can she not look at the darling girl.

She is such a big girl and I love everything about her.

Also I saw this on a blog I love to check in on and for the life of me can't remember who's it was so sorry for no source, but I'm thinking I might try to recreate these festive Christmas balls, that have sheets of Christmas stories and holiday songs.

I'm thinking they will look pretty awesome hanging from my mantel.

Such a cute idea.

Some family time

(Nate, Me,MIL, C, FIL, Uncle Dusty, Uncle Trevor)

So a few weeks ago we had my husband's family and us get our pictures taken.

It was a pretty dreary day, but they still turned out great and we just got them back this weekend.

I told my husband this was one of my favorite picture.

He sweetly said "Why, what is it of?"

Oh darling it's all three of our hands.

Oh husbands.

C, I'm almost certain is aware of how darn irresistible she is.

This is one of my favorite, can you guess why?

Notice how everyone is paying attention to the photographer?

See what the mister and I are doing?

Paying attention to each other.

Aww how I love him.

Of course the following week I chopped 10in of my hair, but I'm glad I got the length documented.

Me and the Mister.

As for the rest of the weekend that we have been having, it has actually been really relaxing. Friday C, Mr.Stanley and I hung out laid around, swung by his parents. Saturday we did the same thing, except I headed out at night to spend some time with some of my favorite lady and lots of laughs were made, and many memories were brought up. Always great time.

And as of today, now C is tucked in tight asleep in her bed. Mr.Stanley is playing games on the computer and chit chatting with me. While I'm curled up on the couch catching up with emails, working on some homework.

And of course we have been acting on that simple little smiley face we received on our special little test earlier this week. Might as well cover all our bases (tmi?oh well).

Hope everyone has a good start to their week tomorrow.

It's about time

source

So after several long days of testing I finally got to see this smiley face!

Well folks for those of you who don't know what I'm talking about, this little guy is letting me know (ready for TMI) that it's time to be hitting the bedroom up for a few days ;).

In other words yours truly is ovulating.

I was starting to get a little down because I'm already on day 17 and lately I've been ovulating sooner then that but no worries it's here and with good time, it will be awhile before I have to meet that little face again.

The Bump

So I joined The Bump today after a week or so of debate within my mind. You will notice that I do that a lot, debate with myself.

Anyway, I made my little introduction and was overwhelmed with how many well wishes and good luck wishes I got from over 20 ladies I had never even met before. It was a lovely feeling to meet with others who are going through exactly what I am and don't mind putting it out there.

It's not that I don't like to be open with my family and friends, but to be honest I don't like to burden them with things that they can't control. Not to mention a subject such as infertility or ttc is not something you want to bring down those you love on a regular basis.

I needed an outlet, I needed someone to relate to, I need someone who would say "Yes, I have had that same thing happen to me." Now I do, I have many and I feel like my stress of keeping my feelings and silly thinking about all this ttc has gone down a bit.

It keeps me looking up so that one day I can make that jump from the ttc board to the 1st trimester board.

So if you are in the same boat as me and adore your family and friends so much  you don't want them to be concerned about what's going on in the baby making department or don't want to have them asking all the time, make your way over to The Bump.com and check out the community boards there is something there for everyone.

And for your viewing pleasure a little bit of C with her Daddy.

I can't believe these were taken almost 1 year ago.

Yes, Mr.Stanley can look like a grizzly  man during the winter months, do to the fact that he believes his beard truly keeps him warmer during the winter. My thoughts on his beard..."silliest thing ever babe."